just waiting for the shine to wear off

i need inspiration.

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 18:47:40 GMT

oy! what to write, i don't even know. i WANT to write something, i feel like i HAVE something to say but i'm not sure what it exactly is. i have a slight feeling it's about B again but i honestly don't have much to say about that because..nothing is happening. which is exactly what i enjoy. it's just something i have to get used to - going from thinking of my twisted, effed up relationship 90% of my day to thinking of my healthy, oddly smooth transition to being single 60% of the day to thinking of NOTHING at all related to B.

last night, i was on duty. last night, i was a hypocrite. let's just leave it at that.

today, my horoscope came true. eee!

i've realized something quite amazing. i thought that to find someone you're compatible with, finding the one you're meant to be with, was EVERYTHING. i didn't know what life had outside of that. but now, i see it ALL. i see the importance of all my close friends, of spending time to yourself and getting things done, of making your own rules, doing everything you want..and THEN finding someone who can fit THAT life. it really is quite amazing.

happy valentine's day :) share the love, please!

let it be, let it be

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 23:24:46 GMT

so, here i am, finally at a computer! my last post was from my blackberry (<33) so i couldn't type much since it would have taken quite a long time.

like i said, i've opened up numerous blogs...all of which i have deleted and forgotten about. i have ALWAYS said that "this is the last time i'll start a blog, and i will continue writing in it forever and then read back to the first entry and laugh at my silly-ness" but since that never ends up happening, i wont even say anything this time. i'm just going to go with the flow.

which, speaking of, has been my motto lately in life. as we all know (or perhaps you don't) my breakup with B has caused enough drama internally that i've just decided to let it all go. it's so confusing yet, it's not. see! that's why it's so confusing - i just contradicted myself. you know, it is so damn easy to give other people advice and when you tell yourself the same thing, all the confidence you put into those words slides right out because you're dealing with yourself.

well, i've realized something. we are not that important. we are constantly protecting ourselves, making certain decisions to keep a certain reputation.. well, honestly, no one will see it. maybe, MAYBE, if you dedicate all your life to being a whore, you will be deemed a whore. but, we're all mature enough to realize everyone goes through phases. so, you were a whore for 5 months of your life - now you've changed. good for you! so, like i said, go with the flow..let it BE.

thinking too much about something (like i am right now) will never really do any good for the most part because, when you think about it, that initial/gut thought you had is the thought you end up with, MOST of the time. as much as you talk to someone, as much as you are in awe of their amazing words/motivation speech, you end up doing what you wanted to at the very beginning. so, why stress? focus on bigger things. focus on the world, your friends, your family, your neglected pets.

oh, let me go back to one of my first semi-important statements -- the advice you give others should be applied to yourself because we all need to look at ourselves objectively. it's the only way we can ever get anything done on a rational level and i think we all know where thinking and acting on an emotional level gets us. HOWEVER, do not keep yourself from loving your pets. put as much emotion as you can into those furry (or not furry) little creatures.

on another note.. i think i'm getting sick.

and yet another one!

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:56:28 GMT

I would say this is my 35544125th blog. However, being that I now have a fellow "bluddy" (shoutout to teehay) I'm hoping to keep up with it. Now.. What to say except that at this point I have nothing to say. Updates soon to come, I guarantee it :)